http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/03/15/disney.newprincess.ap/index.html
(Mickey Mouse straightens his bowtie, spruces up the bouquet of flowers, takes a deep breath, then knocks on the door.)
Mickey Mouse: LaShawn? It’s me. Open up.
(LaShawn peers out the window.)
LaShawn (from behind the window): Go away!
Mickey Mouse: But I have something very important to tell you!
LS: Beat it! Scram!
MM: Really! I do! Please, open the door.
(After a minute, there’s a sound of locks sliding back and the door opens. Mickey takes a step forward but halts when he sees LaShawn standing at the door holding a bazooka.)
LS: You got five seconds.
MM: Whoa! Hold up! You don’t have to get violent–
LS: Four…
MM: Let me explain–
LS: ThreeTwoOne…
MM: BLACK PRINCESS!!!
LS: What?
MM: BLACK PRINCESS! We’re doing a black princess! Please don’t hurt me–
LS (lowering the bazooka slightly): What’s this? Some new trick to get me to watch more of the Disney Channel? I’ve already relented to let Daniel watch HiggleyTown Heroes. This better not be no scheme.
MM: No! Honest and for true! We really are doing a movie with a black princess. I can tell you all about it but please…please lower that thing…
(LaShawn thinks a moment then sets down the gun.)
LS: Okay, but if this is a trick, you gonna be talking much higher than you do now. Talk.
MM (nervously mopping his forehead with the bouquet of flowers): I know that we’ve let you down a number of times. We didn’t mean to. We were just on a roll. I can understand your hatred for us.
LS: ‘Hate’ is such a strong word. Tone it down to despise.
MM: You didn’t use to despise us. You actually enjoyed us for a while there, didn’t you?
LS: Well, yeah, I did like Little Mermaid when it came out. And I enjoyed Aladdin too. It’s when you started doing the Princess thing that I began to wonder why there wasn’t any black princesses…
MM: Too true, too true…
LS: And then you had to get my hopes up with Lion King, setting it in Africa and all. I really thought a black princess would come out of that. But instead, you gave us animals. Nothing but stinking, farting animals…and a score by Elton John…grrrrr…how DARE YOU!
MM: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I know. But this time, we really mean it! We are going to do a black princess. We’re calling it “The Frog Princess”.
LS (voice going back to normal): “The Frog Princess”?
MM: We’re billing it as an “American fairy tale”.
LS: That so? MM: We’re gonna release it in 2009. I even have a picture, if you wanna see it.
LS (shrugging): Allright. Let me see it.
(Mickey Mouse pulls out a photo and carefully hands it to LaSha
wn. She peruses it for a bit.)
LS: Hey. She’s pretty. She’s even sporting an Afro of sorts.
MM: Like it?
LS (suspiciously) What’s her name?
MM: Maddy.
LS: Huh…my grandma’s name was Mattie. Not bad…not bad. Where’s it set?
MM: It’s gonna be in New Orleans.
LS (raising her eyebrows): Is that so? Well that’s timely. I like that. It will bring some good publicity to the place. What’s it gonna be about?
MM: I can’t really tell you just yet, but I know you’ll like it. It’s directed by the same people who wrote Aladdin and Little Mermaid. Didn’t you say you liked those movies?
LS: Yeah, I did, didn’t I? Huh. I guess I can’t despise you all that much anymore.
MM: Oh, you’ll like it. Really, you will. Trust me.
LS: You realize that everyone will be buzzing about it. The pressure is gonna be on you for it to be good.
MM: LaShawn, name one movie that Disney done that flopped.
LS: Atlantis (scammed off of Nadia BlueWater), Treasure Planet, Emperor’s New Groove–
MM: That’s more than one. And I thought you liked New Groove…
LS: Box office didn’t. Hercules, Brother Bear, Home on the Range, Chicken Little, that one with all the birds…
MM: It was a British crossover! And Chicken Little did well at the box office.
LS: Yeah, well it still sucked. And let’s not forget the brouhaha over “Song of the South…”
MM: You’re never going to let me live that down, huh?
LS: I’m just saying that compared to all that, “The Frog Princess” is gonna get a lot of pressure. But, from the looks of this, it looks like you’re actually coming back to traditional animation, so I guess that gets a plus in my book.
MM: So we can be friends now? You’ll stop despising me?
LS: We’ll see. (Smiling) I guess if you’re gonna be serious in putting out a black princess, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll forgive you.
MM: Oh, good. (Holding out the flowers, now wilted in his grip) Then let’s declare a truce for now.
LS (taking the flowers): All right. (Pausing, looking down at the picture) By the way, who’s this playing the piano under Maddy’s picture?
MM (sweatdropping): Haha…yes…funny thing that…you see…
LS (holding the picture very close): Wait a minute…I recognize that guy…
MM (suddenly making a break for it): That’s the guy who’s doing the score gotta get going now BYE BYE–
LS (shrieking): RANDY NEWMAN?!?!?!
(There’s a sudden boom and the silhouette of a mouse is soon tumbling head over heels across the blue sky…)
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The Cafe in the Woods 